Assessing Your Manhood

1. In the company of females, sexual intercourse should be referred to as:
   • lovemaking
   • screwing
   • the pigskin bus pulling into tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
   • your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship
   • your blood-test results
   • five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
   • your partner climaxes first
   • you both climax simultaneously
   • you don't miss NYPD Blue

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
   • healthy, creative love-play
   • not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would ever agree to
   • not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
   • the best part of the experience
   • the second best part of the experience
   • £100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month. You tell her that it is:
   • no concern of yours
   • not a problem, she can join your gym
   • a conservative estimate

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
   • a myth
   • an oxymoron
   • a moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
   • appetizer is to entree
   • primer is to paint
   • a line is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
   • "I hope we can still be friends."
   • "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
   • "Welcome to Dumpsville; population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
    • probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort intimacy
    • is uptight and a waste of time
    • shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place

How did you score?

Mostly a's, check your pants to make sure you really are a man.
Mostly b's, check into therapy, you're a little confused.
Mostly c's, "You DA MAN!"