Attractiveness Formula
OK, here it is -- the most brilliant formula ever, better then Plank's
Photo-Electric Theorem, more useful then Einstein's Theory of Relativity and
less boring then Newton's, Boyle's and Rutherford's ramblings.
It essentially determines the real (ie sober) rating of any girl you're
talking to on a boozy night out.
S = D - A
Where:
S = Sober Attraction Rating (1 to 15, where 15 = goddess and 1 = Curry Monster)
D = Drunk Attraction Rating
A = Increased Attractiveness Due to Drink
A = (P x a) Ts / Tr x W x 10
Where:
P = Pints consumed
a = Strength of lager (see conversion table below)
Ts = Time since last shag (months)
Tr = Time remaining at establishment (hours)
W = Number of witnesses present
Conversion table for "a"
Harp/Ace = 0.1
Hoffmeister/XXXX = 0.5
Fosters/Heineken = 1
Stella/Kronenbourg = 1.5
Oktoberfest Lager = 2.0
Thus, for example, suppose you're in a Club and you're talking to a girl you
think is pretty smart (we'll give her a Drunk Attraction Rating of 11 out of
15).
You've had 10 pints of beer equivalent to Stella (P x a = 10 x 1.5 = 15),
it's 6 months since your last shag (Ts = 6) and it's 1 o'clock (Tr = 1).
There are lots of people around, but only a couple you know (W = 2).
A = 15 x 6 / 1 x 2 x 10 = 4.5
S = 11 - 4.5 = 6.5
Therefore rather than an 11 (say Maxine out of Corrie), you're actually
trying to shift a 6.5 (say Gayle Platt).
QED
|