Doctors' Notes
Doctors may not say exactly what they mean...
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated
by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer,
Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.
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By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was
feeling better.
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Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
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The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to
his feet.
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On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had
completely disappeared.
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The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
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I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.
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Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have
suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he
stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
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The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
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Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need
disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.
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Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
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The patient refused an autopsy.
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The patient has no past history of suicides.
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The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
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Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
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Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.
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The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant
with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
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She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate
directions in early December.
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The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her
original complaints.
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