Rules That Blokes Wish Women Knew

1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat arse in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever. It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats.
10. Sunday = Football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.
11. Shopping is not a sport
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is a twat and your Dad probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than pissing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most blokes own two to three pairs of shoes, what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
23. Your Mum doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
31. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
32. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
33. Consider Football a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
34. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets,chest level logo'd t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
35. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.